2dy classes are starting... sigh... i kinda missed my 1st class of Computer Applications bt hey, wht the heck, there wasn't any lessons also... so it didnt matter even if i didnt attend... results are yet to be out therefore, still worrying there...

also i spoke to my dad about Cell, sigh, i kinda expected the results of 'think carefully of wht u r doing, u do knw u are frm another church and yet u still wanna join this kind of thing' wht the hell, it jus felt so good to be accepted for once in my life... i was accepted once, when i first joined the church but soon i realized it was all an act to get rid of my existence in the church once and for all... since then, i really didnt know hw was i ever goin to trust anyone in the church anymore... they were all like 2 faced aliens that i once knew...

i have always remembered our childhood days where we used to run around, play, pick saga seeds together... were those days of happiness a fake? well, yea i guess, it can't b real after all, cuz when i look back, it seemed like a dream. why has everyone changed so much? why is there so much hatred in the church? i have always wished that we could go back to those days where we all were together... i loved everyone so much, why must it change? all i feel nw is coldness, no longer were the warmth that was once there.. i missed it tho... honestly now, i have nvr told anyone at all that all our church ppl i really hate them all, it possible i never wanna c them ever again, thats y i took a Saturday class so i do not have to go to c their faces at all. i normally feel so much better without seeing them, i also always try to escape from the hse when ever we request for prayers n stuff. better if i m not around, they also do not like to c me around anyway

right now, i feel happier outside of the church, its a pain actually to show up there... pity i couldn't get any Saturday classes like last sem... i was really hoping to do so actually. mayb i shuld register for the 6th subject Bio or Chem...

so i guess Cell is pratically out of the question, if it was Church i would be so dead... wahh if they found out i was in SJAG i wouldnt be here writing this post... honestly, i was really plenty of fun during Christmas, Night Watch (altho a little boring).. it was really n eye opener. altho i dun know anyone there yet, bt the church had a different kind of warmth... it is the same that no body pays any attention to me but i can still feel it... totally different from our church where all i could feel is coldness.. sigh...

until when do i have to live with this type of coldness? its really a pain tho... dunno how long i can survive...